I
want more cheese
Tortured and frail I lay
there in a stain
As my husband bends down
To kiss me with thanks
Once again
I beg him
Please, Please Let’s not do
this again
I know I am woman
But this does not feel
humane
As he passes me this bundle
I kiss him so gently on his
chin
All puffed up and looking
ready for life
As my body feels so worn,
bloodied and broken in
Here he is another little
boy
Number four for me
I am not to see any pink this
time
But there are no tears of
regret to see
When he finds his first meal
in life
He adoringly looks back, so
new, so free
He is so perfect in every
way
How was I so lucky he was hand
picked just for me?
What I can remember of that
day is still a blur and a mess
It felt like an eternity
But in reality it was probably
4 hours at best
The pain was unexplainable
And the fear in the midwives
beat through my chest
This baby will it ever come
out
Will we both meet in this
life or the next?
Too tired to sleep through
out the night
In the distance I could hear
The screams of some poor
girl, in the throws of giving birth
The memories still all to
clear
I hold my baby so tightly,
Thanking god that for me it
did end
Her night calls keep going
on and on
And I shed tears for my
sister, when she is not even my friend
In a clap of time
2 years have past
My husband wistfully says
“Don’t you think it’s about
time we had a little ruby between us in our bed”?
Ruby was my grandmother’s
name
And with each boy I
delivered
I prayed and begged,
To pass to a girl her
beautiful name
And a necklace old and
withered
Could I be so silly?
To do it all again
Time is passing so quickly
now
The nappies are about to end
I think some days when I
look in the mirror
I could be mistaken for the
living dead
Fatigue is just the norm
these days
In the car
Cook another meal
Clean the house
And then back to bed
All of this leaves me with
not much time for me
Trying to be a good wife
A mother
A daughter
And friend
The university degree I once
started once
May never turn out to be in
the end
When I go shopping late at
night on my own
In Kmart I walk the isles
Pink dresses and red patent
shoes tug at my heart and tell of secret desires
To braid her hair and talk
about boys
Put some femininity in the
mix
To mould her gently to a
fine young girl
Whist teaching my boys a gentle twist
Cooking days and make up
nights
Pink fingers and toes nails
A life so far from my
current story
It seems a fairy tale
Don’t get me wrong
I am the luckiest woman in
the world
4 strapping lads to love
A broken budgets that seems
will never be repaired
And a fridge that on
shopping days bring more delight than one can talk of
Endless washing and dishes
to be dried
The floor needs vacuuming
again
The day does not end till
mid night at times
And I wake to start it all
again
We banter and yell
We heckle and hiss
But this big old house of
boys brings my life bliss
Who would want more
Than what I’ve got
“Me some times, is that a
miss”
In a screaming mess of tears
I find some one to talk too
My arousal levels set so
high
I can barely breath myself
though
These kids are driving me in
sane
My god my teen
Will my reasoning ever come
to me again?
In response my council
quietly replies…
Don’t worry your job is
through
He is 13 now
He sacked you a year ago
Hand him over to his stepfather
now
To mould him as he grows
If you’re lucky in a few
years
He will want you back again
You will be his consultant
and an adult friend
This brings even bigger
tears to my eyes
Oh heck how do you ever win?
You give it all
The best you’ve got
And you lose them in the end
It seems hardly fair
When I sacrifice it all
To be old and have to start
again
I am sure it would be a good
20 years or more
I would have been putting it
all off for the love of them
I guess that’s when the mysterious
next phase will come
When I meet the light at the
tunnels end
Romantic weekends
And no more casks wine
It will be Bollinger and France
in the spring
A life for our selves
Money in the bank
And time to do as we wish
Seems really great but with
all that space
I would have so much to miss
The giggles and laughs
The tears of joy
And the bloody mess
It comes down to one thing
I love my job
I am a mum
And this I do this the best
