Friday 27 April 2012

Lucky is not a word to use or take lightly...


I was at the hospital yesterday, where my 18-month-old son was having an MRI.   It occurred to me just how lucky we are.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to minimalise the fear I have that our situation might turn out bad, but ultimately we are just so lucky.

We have these great doctors, all be it they have to work in a bit of a brummy looking hospital, but the anaesthetist nearly put me to sleep with his totally calm nature, the nurses were a delight to deal with and you would of thought they spent 4 years training to be my personal waitress, but they loved their job and you could see it.

No doctors wanted to consult after the MRI so I am taking that as good news.  It was more to rule out problems than to diagnose one, so we were pretty confident all would be fine.

I have heard a few saddening stories lately about really sick kids; I honestly am not sure how I would cope.  I guess I would just get on to the job at hand, most mums and dads are self less and don’t take time out to feel self pity when there kids are sick.

I remember when my number 3 was born and he ended up in ICU, that was the week where I think my head was the best screwed on to my shoulders ever… Everything seemed very clear and I knew exactly what I had to do.  4 Hourly rotations of expressing milk and baby wipe downs, touch time and then a little sleep (if my brain could switch of).  My caesarean scar never once hurt me, even though I had to walk up a hill to get the hospital, I just felt the situation was controlled. (that is the best word I can think of to explain it)…

When all was ok and we came home, in fact not even that long, the minute he was in the ambulance being transported back to Devonport and I drove in the car just a few in front of the ambulance, the tears started to roll and I cried all the way from Hobart to Devonport.  The immediate danger was over and I never felt so out of control, I knew now the fear of what it would feel like to lose him. 

Currently as I type, he is in the room next to me, he is watching ABC kids2 (awesome channel) and he is singing, “painting a picture”… I think how lucky am I.  I don’t like the word lucky, it usually implies when it is said  “wow aren’t you lucky”, that a person did not work for what they have, it is not lucky someone brought a new car, it was bloody hard work that got it and that new house, your not lucky to have it, it is hard work that got it… or a lot of hard work to pay it off… No luck involved at all.

But I am truly lucky to have my 4 healthy kids.   When I got pregnant each time I was so excited and it was such an adventure, but the real truth is, the minute I fell pregnant I stood to lose it all. 

I and most people I know invest so deeply in our children and it takes no effort at all to love them, even when I feel I don’t like them on some days…  some of  us end up un scathed by birth and some get a raw deal, some have a perfect birth but get the raw deal down that track.  And then there is me and many, many others like me, I have had my ups and downs as far as health goes with my boys but on a whole, I am just so lucky… The cards played in my favour and that was just down to luck.

I don’t like to think that god had me in hand and blessed me specially, because then that implies he/she what ever you believe in, did not have the same blessing for others whose path may not have gone so well… But I know there was a hand holding mine when it was tough and I needed to be stronger than ever.

Today I am just going to be grateful that all my kids have their health, I can’t control the future and how it will play out, but for today they are good.  I can how ever guarantee there will be heart breaking moments and most Saturdays mornings will be just like last Saturday, where I yell all morning about jobs that need to be done, I will feel like I am the only mother in the world who is still in her PJ’s at 2, and when my best friend comes to visit the house will still look like a tip (the list goes on)…

But for today, I am going to take this nostalgic feeling, before next Saturday morning comes about and run with it… Because many people around me, seem to have some pretty tough stuff to deal with and at this point in time, I am lucky to be able to just relax and enjoy my time “whilst I am loving my family”.

Wednesday 18 April 2012

The difference between a good doctor and a GREAT doctor.


For quite a few years now I have had chronic pain that has been unlabeled and it can be really quite horrible and puts stress on all facets of my life.

Today’s blog is about how we deserve to take the time out for ourselves to find a great doctor that works for us.   So many people just keep seeing the same doctor just because they always have.   I guess to some degree I have 2 doctors.

 (which is a bit naughty but works well for me)

1.     I have a Medical practitioner I see if I have a cold and need an antibiotic, it does not take long to get in (if your lucky) and they usually have an answer for those things you need to deal with quickly.

3.     Then I have my Medical Practitioner I see when I need help with the bigger things.  She runs a private practice, so her waiting room is never full, there is only me, this gives me the time to really explain and she has the time to really listen.  With out that daunting feeling of a full impatient waiting room that is getting angrier by the minute.  I see her for all of  the things that need more than just a quick fix and are important to me.

Today in Australia there is such a shortage of Great doctors, NO I will re phrase that, in my opinion we have such great doctors but there appointment books are so full they don’t get the time to spend with you to be as great as they can be….

Most people are lucky to find 1 doctor that can be available to them, let alone like myself who has 2 who I can usually see with in a months at a time.  They are both kept in the “loop” so to speak so there is no secrets.

My life’s experience has been so much better since finding a great doctor, one who takes the time to listen, test and to find alternative results that might be a bit out of the ball park. 

My experience is that I never complain if my doctor is running late, that usually means he/she is giving a patient the time they need, which will usually mean they will give me the time I need.  Great doctors need time to make big differences in sick peoples lives.

Whether you are at home looking after the kids or at work paying the bills for your families needs, your health, be it mind body or soul, is paramount to a great functioning life.

So my thought for today is how grateful I am to have great doctors at my call.    Suffering in silence or crying in pain is not good for anyone, I need support in this life and it took some time to find a system that works for me, but now I have it makes life much easier “whilst I am loving my family”.

Friday 13 April 2012

Good things come in small packages

I have been trying to write a blog all day and it was not coming easily, so the decision was made not to write one today.  Just as I let it go, I got a knock at the door... It was a very special friend, she greeted me with her usual big smile and a "Haaalllo"...a women who is such a little package but brings with her such big delight.

Earlier I had been writing about how some relationships can be toxic and a waste of energy.   The whole blog seemed really negative and  I decided to scrap the story as it was not what I want this space to be about.

It dawned on me when my little friend left, our relationship was the type of relationship I need to invest in, one that invigorates me and makes me want to be a better and happier version of myself... One that although I dont seek her validation, I just get it, her genuine understanding of my story and her eagerness to listen, her ability to never understate my accomplishments but to understand the struggle it took to get there.  Our friendship has seen many stages and phases and  has many stories that will see us old and laughing.

Now don't get me wrong, some people might think I am talking fairy tales here, because lets face it, I don't feel like that about a lot of people I interact with and I think this is why they say you can usually count your real friend on one hand.  If I am honest I can count them on half a hand and I feel genuinely lucky to be able to do that...

My thought was, if I stopped investing my energy into some of the more toxic relationships and started investing my energy into relationships that increase my powers to feel good, surely that would make me a better person, if I am a better person to myself then I can also be a better mother and wife for my family and a better friend to my friends.

So with out sounding like some corny half version of doctor phil versus star Wars I am going to...

"train myself to let go of everything I fear to lose"...(modified star wars quote that I love)...

Now read that statement again... because it will mean something different to differnt people, but for me it means to let go of the friendships that although I know are toxic I am still frightened to lose.  In doing this it may make me a better version of myself in my journey of life "whilst I am loving my Family"...


Wednesday 11 April 2012

"We just know what we know"


It is funny how we just know what we know….

My two eldest boys are from a previous marriage, (that is a whole blog on its own)… when my now husband and I decided to have children together he was a little worried that our new children would think my ex husband was their father too.  

(Are you finding this hard to follow?? Stick with me I am making a point)…

I consoled my husband by saying, “don’t be so bloody stupid”…

I come from a very complex family, 3 half brothers on one side and a half brother and sister on the other… with a couple of step brothers and a sister somewhere in there too…

Now as young as I can remember, I never once thought, “Are my siblings parents my parents”… I just knew what I knew, that they were my siblings, nothing more nothing less.

My 3 year old son knows the older boys go to this persons house each other weekend and then they come home… he is smart enough to adapt a name for his father recognising my older boys don’t refer to him as dad.  His big brothers call him Adam and I call him dad, so at 3 he decided his dads name was Dadam…

It dawned on me the other day, those of us who are blessed with step parents, brothers and sister of half, step, fostered, adopted or of ring in nature, are really showing intelligence and lateral thinking at an early stage in life…

Most grown adults cant understand my family structure, but at 3 my son gets it fine, you have to wonder if it is adults who complicate things by trying to simplify stuff because we under estimate our kids level of understanding.

My husband has a bad habit of saying “bloody women drivers”, it's a little joke betweens him and I, but over the years, these little ears have listened to it and now any close calls on the road or frustration they instantly say ‘women drivers” missing out the "bloody" because they are smart enough to know they will get in trouble for swearing, but thinking its the truth that women are bloody terrible drivers…

The moral of this story is… Kids are bloody smart, and they don’t question what they see as anything other than normal.  Which is a lot of responsibility but also great… We mould these little people and they don’t question anything… Your truth is their truth and they will always believe your lies…

So my thought for today is how can I better the belief system for my children by being a smarter parent at times…and how can I empower my children by not making so many excuses for their bad behaviour, when in reality they are smart enough to know exactly what they are doing.  Tough love and self-reflection are hard jobs at times but that is my goal for this week “whilst I am loving my family”

Tuesday 10 April 2012

How often is too often to Blog

I lay awake last night thinking of all the things I could blog about... What funny things that have happened that others could relate to or the stressful things that some people might be relieved about,  that simply say we are all the same deep down...

The list was endless, so the question I posed to myself was "how often is too often to blog", I am sure it will start with a great cracking pace and slow down as the house work becomes a priority again.  Yesterday it started with great gusto and excitement, so much so I posted the rough copy with the grammatical errors... But hey you cant slow the force of an excited women who has not left the house for a week.

Whilst thinking  about the blog and what I wanted it to be, my thoughts moved to the readers and how I wanted to impact them, or indeed if I even could.  My thoughts got worse,  how would I deal with  my friends who cant help them selves but to put me down for being different and giving life a try.  It played out in my head, almost as good as any Bold and the Beautiful scene, I could of won an award for comedy, wit and fast paced one liners... oh and the stare...it was deathly.

It ended up a rather scary night in the end, I almost closed down the blog down before it started, then I realised, this is why you never act until morning... Those lingering thoughts and worries that keep me awake at night are just thoughts, they feel so much worse in the dark.  The night hours are for dreaming, so we are strong enough in our day to get through all the crap we have to tackle and to be able to do it well.

So my thought for today is, when I am laying in bed and I am worrying about the power bill or wishing my husband would just back down from the argument we had or any other of the thousands of things that have kept me awake at night,  I am going to try and let it go, try and get some much needed sleep as the problem will no doubt be there in the morning for me to tackle "whilst I am loving my family".





Monday 9 April 2012

Hi and Welcome,

A bit about me... I am a wife, a mother of 4 and a struggling to find time student.  I live in a normal house in tasmania, we have 2 noisy dogs and bills to pay.  I started this blog as I feel my everyday story has some laughs, tears and occurrences that someone might want to read.

As a child, I had 4 half brothers and 1 half sister, all who had left home by the time I was 7, I grew up pretty lonely but well loved by everyone... I used to look at big families at christmas and easter and be really envious of their big set tables and christmas decorations and I felt really sad about Christmas and holidays for many years to come, but about 12 months ago it dawned on me "that I have my own big family now"... and I had the best christmas of my life.

This new found love for this family gave me the desire to want more children and also to share my everyday experiences with people of like mind and see where it goes from there...

I have 4 boys... 4 beautiful, reasonably healthy boys... If you came to my house, my carpets look like a biscuit factory floor, my dishes are rarely done until 7.30pm,  and the noise levels are beyond healthy.  But these 4 boys bring my life, joy and complexities I could not imagine being with out.

My eldest is 13, he is a such a typical 1st child, strong willed and with waters that run deep, on a funny note still trying to deal with the birth of his younger brother who is now nearly 10, Number 2 this little man is the quirkiest monkey god could give a women, when I had 4 sons I never imagined I would be buying ballet shoes but here I am.   My 3rd little man,  affectionally known by my father as "chubby checkers", the softest big cheeks with a heart to match and number 4...WOW what a blast, you think he would of learnt to wait patiently till his turn being 4th in line,  but he is a little whirl wind of life that is louder than the other 3 combined and sent here to give me laughter that induces real tears...

Dont get me wrong, I don't have little angels, these boys are rumens like the rest of them, but when I look at the choice I  made to have children, I think I did pretty Well...

The decisions made about discipline, diet, life style choices and priorities are not made with ease but the end result so far has been one that I am proud,  I cant wait for the future to fold out so I can see where these little men go, what choices they make and how proud I will be of them.  All of these decisions lead to a chaotic system I call "my life"...

So if you wish follow my blog and read about the every day problematic things families deal with, from Face Book and Teens, being the School Association Mum, the frustrations of making different meals for the intolerant members of that family and the serious sacrifices it takes to be a mum YOU can be proud of.... then watch this space  "Whilst I am loving my Big Family"...